Losing Lilly
by MaddieAndrews8
Summary: After a really tough case, Lee and Amanda comfort each other.


**Summary**: After an inordinately difficult case, Lee and Amanda comfort each other. Set a month after 'All The World's a Stage', changes cannon.

**Disclaimer:** 'Scarecrow and Mrs. King' and all the characters within belong to Warner Brothers. The story is mine.

Silence filled the night air. Sadly, the silence was not refreshing or calming. It was a silence borne of tragedy and great loss. The sirens on the Agency cars had been turned off for over ten minutes, but the red and blue lights still flashed eerily over the scene. Amanda King stood frozen on the edge of the commotion.

Lee Stetson attempted to keep his calm as he searched the horrific scene in front of him for his partner. Two men lay dead under coroner's tarps, while evidence was collected around them. The flashing lights made it difficult to see details and colors. Billy Melrose was speaking to a few officers near the bodies. Lee stopped short as his eyes came upon a much smaller tarp.

"No!" A strangled whisper tore from his throat.

He frantically returned to his search. Where was she? If she was hurt, she would have been at the ambulance. He had checked there first and there was no sign of her. He hated that he'd had to stop to check in with Billy and get the details _before_ he could reach her. He forced himself to stand still and slowly scan for her lithe figure.

There!

Lee broke into a run and only slowed when he was near enough to see her face. She was staring straight ahead, her eyes glazed. He wouldn't have been sure she was breathing if she hadn't been standing up. He reached for her hand, hanging limp at her side.

"Amanda?"

She didn't respond. She didn't even blink.

"Amanda, can you hear me?" Lee stood directly in front of her, blocking her view of the horror in front of her.

Her breathing changed almost imperceptibly. She blinked twice. Weakly, her fingers grasped his.

"Lee?"

He bent slightly, so that she could look at his face. He squeezed her left hand and brushed a smudge off her cheek with his right.

"I'm right here. Amanda…are you hurt?"

Pain filled brown eyes found his. A tiny shake of the head was his answer.

"Oh Amanda," he sighed as he pulled her into his arms. He held her tightly as she slowly came back to life.

"Lee, I had to…I couldn't….She was so little…." Tears began to soak his shirt as he held her. He knew what had happened. He had come on the scene just in time to be of no help to her. All he could do was pray that she hadn't been hurt.

"I know Amanda, I know. You did everything you could…"

"No! I could have…"

Lee pulled back and forced her to look into his eyes.

"Amanda King, listen to me. I already spoke to Billy. He told me everything that he saw…You did exactly what you've been taught to do. I know you…I know how difficult that situation had to be for you. There was nothing you could have done. Everything spun out of control so quickly, Amanda. You did what you could. You're alive, that's what matters right now in this moment. Do you hear me?"

She blinked slowly as tears raced down her cheeks. He had been there? Where? "Lee, where? Where were you?"

His heart sunk. Did she blame him for not being there?

"Over there," he pointed across the street, "When I pulled up, you were standing if front of the bigger man and both of you had guns drawn. Lilly was right behind you, she was holding onto your leg. All of a sudden there was another man behind you and he grabbed her. You fired and so did the man in front of you. I started running and was sure he had hit you. You must have called for back-up. They came screeching in and someone shot the other man, but he'd already dropped Lilly to the ground. The first bullet had hit her…"

"The one meant for me."

"Amanda…I, for one, am very glad that it wasn't you. I'm so sorry it took me so long to get to you."

She pushed out of his reach and turned away from him. "She _trusted_ us! Trusted _me_! I was supposed to protect her Lee… I…I promised!"

"Amanda! I promised her that too, remember? I told her she would be safe with us. I promised you that _you_ would be safe with me too. Remember that? I thought I saw you shot tonight! I was _here_ and there was _nothing_ I could do. .."

Lee sunk to the curb. Tears rolled down his strong jaw as he ran his hands through his hair. _Loosing her would kill me. Does she really not know?_

Wiping tears from her face, Amanda turned back to face him. Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw him on the ground. Her heart broke for both of them. They had both cared about Lilly. They deeply cared for each other. They shouldn't be shouting at each other.

"Lee, I'm sorry." Amanda crouched next to him and put her arm around his shoulders. "I know you tried to get here. This isn't your fault. Lee, please look at me."

As he looked up Amanda wiped his cheek. She smiled slightly.

"I'm okay Lee. I'm upset. You're upset. Lilly was so little and she didn't deserve this. I don't blame you Lee. You need to stop blaming yourself for something that didn't happen. I'm right here; safe and sound. Okay…a little worse for wear, but okay."

A soft chuckle escaped Lee's lips. The irony was not lost on him. She was the one who had a little girl ripped from her protection and was shot at, but she was trying to make him feel better.

"Come here."

Amanda sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Lee held her close and kissed her temple. They sat in silence, each trying to process everything that had happened. They watched as the scene was slowly cleaned up nearby. Amanda's arms tightened around Lee as they watched Lilly's tiny body loaded into the coroner's van. A little while later the flashing lights finally stopped and most of the Agency cars left.

"Lee…" Amanda's voice was quiet as she indicated their boss coming toward them. Lee stood and pulled Amanda up with him. Unwilling to loose all contact, he held her hand tightly.

"Scarecrow. Amanda. I thought you two would have headed back by now."

"Just wanted to make sure we weren't needed Billy. Is it okay to leave now? Do you need us back at the Agency?"

"We have your statement Lee. We still need Amanda's though."

Lee glanced at his partner, she wouldn't meet his eye. "Okay, Billy. We'll be right in." Billy Melrose slowly walked away from two of his best agents. He knew this case wasn't going to be an easy one to forget.

"Hey…Amanda…" He waited for her to look up at him.

Tears glistened in her chocolate eyes. "I couldn't Lee. I don't even know how long I stood there barely breathing."

"I know. I'll stay with you, ok?"

"You don't need to do that Lee. Really, I'll be fine."

Lee placed his index finger under her chin and tilted her head up to look in her eyes. "Amanda, I almost lost you tonight. If you think I'm letting you out of my sight yet, you're crazy. Do you need to call home before we head to the Agency?"

"Uhh, no. Mother and the boys left this afternoon on a Trail Blazer camping trip. They'll be back on Sunday evening."

"Good. Let's go."

The drive from the scene to the Agency was a quiet one. Amanda's occasional sniffles were the only sound in the small confined space. Lee was worried about her; she always had something to say. As a matter of fact, she talked more when she was scared. Her silence was unnerving to him. He tried to take comfort in the fact that she hadn't completely shut him out. He still held her slender hand snugly in his.

"Amanda, we're here."

She kept her eyes lowered, her breathing shallow. If Lee hadn't known better, he might have thought she was sleeping. Turning slightly in his seat, he undid both of their seatbelts and held both of her shaking hands in his.

"Amanda, honey, I'm right here. I'll stay with you while you give your statement, if that's what you want. Or I could ask Billy to let you do it tomorrow. I really think he'd understand. "

Amanda took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She raised her head to look at him. "Did you just call me 'honey'?"

Lee blushed in the glow of the clock radio. "Yeah, I guess I did. I'm….Amanda, I..."

"It's okay, Scarecrow. It was nice," Amanda replied as she reached up to stroke his cheek. "I'd like it if you stay with me for the statement, Lee. I think it will help me get through it."

"If you're sure you're up to it tonight."

"I'd rather get it over with, so we can go home," she sighed.

"Ok. Let's get it over with then."

Lee took the keys from the ignition and quickly climbed out of the car. He jogged around to Amanda's door to help her out. He wasn't too sure her legs were going to hold out for much longer. _It's got to be the shock setting in._

An hour later they were headed back to his car. She had done pretty well recounting the night's events; there had been tears, but no break down. Reliving it with her had been harder than he had anticipated. Lee knew Amanda was a strong woman, he'd seen her strength during many cases over the past three years. After this case, however, he knew he'd never met a stronger person in his life.

Lilly had come into their lives out of necessity, her necessity. Her parents had been killed by some of the most dangerous men in the States and she had seen the whole thing. If they had seen her, they would have killed her on the spot. But being the incredibly brave and intelligent five year-old she was, she waited quietly for them to leave. She didn't make a sound until she crawled out of her hiding place and called the police. The report had said she was sobbing over her parents by the time help arrived. Somehow word had leaked out that there was a surviving child and that she had seen everything. In retrospect, Lee realized they should never have taken her out of the Agency once she was safely inside.

Amanda had been adamant that Lilly be taken care of and not just stuck in a room with an agent.

_"She's a terrified little girl and needs human connection right now,"_ she had said.

It had been Lee's idea to take her to Amanda's. There had been agents placed all around the neighborhood to keep them all safe, but it hadn't been enough. His stomach churned at the thought of how much worse it could have been. The boys and Dottie could have been hurt. It was true that an innocent little girl was lost in this terrible situation, but Lee was selfishly glad that Amanda and her family were safe. It hurt deeply to loose someone so tiny, who so quickly, had claimed a part of his heart…but loosing Amanda? He didn't think that was a loss he could survive.

His arm tightened around her shoulders as they neared the car. Amanda was barely able to move; the exhaustion was finally catching up with her.

"Almost there 'Manda. Then I'll get you home."

Since no one else was home and the station wagon was still in the Agency lot, Lee pulled all the way into the driveway. At least this way his car would be slightly hidden from the inquisitive neighbors. Amanda deftly dug in her purse for the keys and handed them to Lee. Once again, he quickly made his way to her door. Reaching in, he took her hand and helped her from the car. The heel of her shoe caught in a crack in the concrete and she faltered against him. Strong arms encircled her waist for a moment and then lifted her from the ground.

"Let's get you inside."

Lee carried her into the living room and set her gently on her feet. She kicked out of her shoes to avoid anymore tripping. After locking the back door and turning on one of the kitchen lights, Lee returned to her side.

"Amanda, I think you need a nice warm shower and some tea. How does that sound?"

She smiled, despite herself. It had been a long time since any man had taken care of her the way Lee was taking care of her tonight.

"Shower, yes. No tea. I'm too tired."

"Okay. Can you make it up the stairs alright?"

A slight nod.

"I'll give you a half hour. If I still hear water, I'm coming up to check on you."

Another small nod.

Lee shrugged out of his jacket and laid it on the back of the couch as Amanda headed for the stairs.

"Lee..."

"Yes Amanda."

"Are you…? Were…you… planning to stay here tonight?"

"I don't have to, if you want me to go. _I_ would feel better if I stay here. I don't mind the couch Amanda."

Amanda smiled, "That would be silly Lee. There are four beds upstairs, why would I make you stay on the couch?"

"So it's okay with you if I stay?"

"I was going to ask you to..."

Lee smiled the smile he saved just for her, "Now you don't have to. Go on, take your shower. Remember…half and hour and I come to check on you."

Amanda gave him a playful salute and slowly trudged up the stairs. Lee's smile grew bigger as he watched her go. If she could tease him, even just for a moment, she would be all right. _They_ would be all right.

Twenty-three minutes later Lee Stetson stood in the upstairs hallway, waiting to hear the water shut off. Just as he was about to push Amanda's door open, the pipes grew quiet. He slowly shook his head and headed back to the boys' room. Deciding he'd rather be upstairs in case Amanda needed him, he'd chosen Phillip and Jaime's room. He just _knew_ Dottie West would know if he used her room.

After remaking one of the beds in the boys cluttered room, he headed back to the hall. Amanda's door opened just as he raised his fist to knock on it.

"Hey," he whispered.

Her eyes were large as she looked up at him.

"Everything okay?"

Amanda nodded slowly.

"Good. I made up one of the boys' beds. I hope that's okay."

"That's fine."

"Did you leave any hot water? I was going to take a quick shower too."

A weak smile shaped her lips, "Maybe a little."

"No problem," he winked at her. "I just need a few minutes of warm water. I'll be fine."

A slightly awkward silence stretched between them.

"Amanda…I'll leave my door open, in case you need me okay?"

She met his concerned gaze and tried to smile again. "Thank you, Lee. I'll leave mine open a little too. Good night."

Lee reached out and grasped her hand. "Good night Amanda," he whispered with a gentle squeeze.

As she closed the door most of the way, he sighed. He knew the fall out was coming. He also knew the longer she put it off, the worse it would be. Turning quickly, Lee headed for the bathroom to take his shower. _I want to be ready when she finally falls apart. _

He didn't mean it in an insulting way. He was pretty sure Amanda had one of the biggest hearts in the world. She cared deeply for people, even people she hardly knew. The kids who'd been involved in their cases over the years were no exception. If anything, she cared even more for them. And Lilly had been very special to Amanda. Unfortunately, when you love that deeply, the pain is even more excruciating. This was why the mighty Scarecrow had distanced himself from people for so long. Amanda King had changed that, had changed him. Her eerie calm would pass and the torrent of tears would come. He wanted to make sure he was ready the minute the storm came. It was his turn to be there for her, to hold her if she would let him.

Maplewood Drive sat silently in the dreary night. Only the street lights and the occasional porch light braved the low fog. A steady rain had set in after midnight, adding its chill to the unseasonably cold night.

Lee Stetson slept fitfully, warm and snug inside Amanda's home. The night's events continued to invade his dreams and were twisted by his fear of what could have happened. He started awake for the fourth time in an hour. Roughly running his hand through his tousled hair, he sat up. Leaning back against the headboard, he took a few steadying breaths.

Suddenly he realized the house was no longer silent. Muffled sobs were coming from down the hall. He threw on a t-shirt as he climbed out of bed. Amanda's door was still slightly agar when he reached it. He quietly pushed it open and whispered her name.

She gave no sign that she heard him. He took in her crumbled frame as he stepped closer. The blankets on her bed were disheveled, showing she had not slept serenely, if she had slept at all. Her thin body shook with pain as she continued to bury her face in her pillow.

"Oh Amanda," Lee mumbled as he sat on the edge of the bed.

He body stiffened for an instant, but she was unable to hold off her grief for a second longer. Lee weighed his options. She clearly needed someone and he was the only one here. But how would she feel in the morning if he held her now? He selfishly wanted her in his arms as badly as she needed to be in them.

"Am…anda?"

She felt his strong hand on her back as she sobbed. She cried harder when she realized what he was asking. He didn't want to force her to accept his help. He was leaving it up to her. Tears continued to fall as she struggled to sit up and face him. Amanda reached out for him and buried her face into his chest as he pulled her to him. Lee's heart broke to see her in so much pain. He rubbed gentle circles across her back and whispered comforting sounds in her ear.

They sat like that for what seemed like an hour. Lee glanced at the clock on her nightstand and realized it had nearly been that long. The heart wrenching sobs that had torn through her had passed, but the tears still came in a steady flow. His leg was starting to cramp from the awkward perch he held on the edge of the bed.

"I'm here Amanda. I'm here."

Moving carefully, Lee repositioned himself to lie beside her. Wrapping his arms around her still shaking frame, he held her tightly. "It's okay sweetheart. Let it out, I'm here." Lee's own tears joined Amanda's as they clung to each other.

Weak sunlight shown through the shades on Amanda's windows. The storm outside had passed along with the one inside. Lee and Amanda still slept the sleep of the truly exhausted. Once her grief had calmed a little, he had tried to get up very early this morning. Her hand had clutched his shirt and she had nearly begged him to stay. He had rewrapped her in his arms and continued to hold her now.

Amanda King slowly became aware of her surroundings. She knew, without opening her eyes, the sun was already up. She heard the happy sound of birds going about their morning in the trees outside. Soft breathing rustled the hair by her ear and she smiled. She fought to keep the reality of yesterday's events at bay, if only for a moment, so she could enjoy the arms she lay in. Lee's muscular chest rose and fell under her hand; she couldn't help but watch it closely. The Scarecrow had shown his hand last night. He had called her honey and sweetheart. His arms still held her snugly against his body.

Had it really been a month since he had kissed her in the Q Bureau? So much had happened in their lives since that day. They'd solved the mystery of Lee's parents' death. They'd continued to act like strangers at work and sneak out to dinner a few nights a week. She knew she loved him; she had for a while now. Amanda was also fairly certain that he returned those feelings. His past made him hesitate to share his feelings, even with her. He had been forced to about his parents and now with Lilly.

Lilly had claimed both of their hearts. She was a bubbly, enthusiastic child; so curious and imaginative. She had reminded Amanda of Lee, or at least how Lee could have been as a child. Maybe it was Lilly's incredibly blue eyes that caused her to compare the two in the first place. She wondered if Lee had noticed how Lilly had seemed to have qualities that they each seemed to have.

_If we had a little girl, would she resemble Lilly?_ _My brown hair and curiosity and Lee's blue eyes and sense of adventure? Stop it Amanda! You've barely started dating; it will take Lee time to adjust to a 'normal' relationship…let alone the idea of marriage or children… _

Amanda really hoped he wouldn't try to pull away again. They would need each other to get through this one, of that she was completely certain.

Her revere was interrupted as Lee sighed and asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"Us," she answered without looking at him. She continued to watch her hand rise and fall with each breathe he took.

He pulled her tight against him, "Oh."

She hadn't been expecting such a short response. Her eyes sought his. Quickly realizing his mistake, Lee caressed her cheek.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded Amanda. I think I was just surprised that you were thinking about us and not yesterday. What were you thinking about us?"

She blushed slightly, "Oh, nothing really."

"Since when does 'nothing' make you blush Amanda King?"

Part of her wanted to share her musings with him, but another part was so afraid he'd bolt if she even mentioned them.

"Really, it was nothing. I was just thinking about all that we've been through in the last month. Can you believe it's only been a month since you locked the door of the Q Bureau on Billy?"

Lee recognized her evasive maneuver but decided he'd allow her to detour him for now. He smiled at the memory of that moment. They'd had multiple near first kisses leading up to his locking that door. He'd been so tired of being interrupted.

"It's been quite a month," he whispered before claiming her lips for a tender kiss.

Amanda sank against him and deepened the kiss. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was aware that they were still in bed, but she pushed the knowledge aside for a moment. Lee's hands roamed over her back and down to her waist. One of his hands came to rest on her hip as he pulled back a little.

"Amanda…"

"I know."

"You know?"

"We should stop. We should get up. If you keep kissing me, it's liable to lead to something neither of us is ready for yet. I know."

"No," He smiled.

"No?" Her eyes grew large as she looked at him.

"Well, yes. All of those things are true, but that wasn't what I was going to say."

"Oh…what were you going to say?"

"I was going to say….that I…Amanda, I love you."

Amanda felt tears prick her eyes as she continued to loose herself in his gaze.

"Oh, Lee. I love you too."

His smile spread so wide that his dimples began to show, "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I have for a long time," Amanda replied as she leaned in close to claim his lips again.

Lee returned her kisses with abandon. It felt so good to tell her how he felt. And to know that she returned those feelings. He knew he didn't deserve this woman, but he was determined to do his best to make her happy; which meant that they needed to get out of bed very soon.

"Amanda…As much…as…I'm…thoroughly enjoying…you…we need to…get up…now."

She knew what he was going to say as soon as he started speaking. She continued to kiss him until he had finished. With one last lingering kiss she smacked him on the shoulder and bounded out of bed.

"Up and at 'em, Scarecrow!"

Lee smiled at her retreating form. He knew they would make it through this and come out stronger on the other side.


End file.
